I need to feel physical pain. I need for my skin to rupture and for blood to gush out. Only then will i feel satisfied in both sensations and guilt. Because I'm not fit to be human. I lack the basic qualities that make for a normal person. 

I'm feeling...

...  oddly at sea.
Things have changed. I feel like i'm dying. but thats normal. I wish i could work. At least get started. Then I would feel normal.