I was looking at pictures my dad took. He has become very net savvy these days, you know. He had always been tech savvy, what with him owning a mac and all, and yet I am the graphic designer (Okay, its a sore point) but thats not the issue. I was looking at my dad's pictures and I really miss it. I miss the travelling. The road trips and basically the fun. Road trips are unlike anything else. And I have been born into them, seeing I had never been on a train until i was in class 11 and that was for a school excursion and I first got on a plane when I had finished graduation and had to go to Delhi.
Now all i do travel by are planes and trains. Especially trains. I am so used to trains now that I know where I will be at what point and where the damn pantry picks up the meals from. The airports still hold a romance for me because it gives me fanciful notions of being able to go to the different ends of the world, and world travel, which I don't think I have it in me to do by car.
But a Road trip is a road trip is a road trip. My life is all fractured right now. I have lost all sense of language and time and distance, and I live in a space of mind somewhere between Bangalore and Calcutta, not exactly in these cities themselves but somewhere in the bad lands of the country in between, and I fear somewhere in the unbearable heat of Andhra Pradesh. At least in my mind. I have forgotten what its like to relax, go on a trip, and not of the chemical kind, and the old fashioned holidays where it was us and Tia's family. That's it. And I am supremely jealous of their Rajasthan trip. I have never felt more alone. There I was in calcutta by myself, in a huge house which is meant to be full of people, living an independent life, by myself, when everyone knows that in calcutta you are supposed to be surrounded by people! Your family is supposed to be there cossetting you! And then I left. I am in Bangalore now. The lonliness continues. And the fucked up part is that you get used to it. And you end up not wanting anything else.
Except for when I look at the pictures, and remember the trips, the details of which even I had forgotten. The longing then becomes sharp and painful completely unbearable.
Now all i do travel by are planes and trains. Especially trains. I am so used to trains now that I know where I will be at what point and where the damn pantry picks up the meals from. The airports still hold a romance for me because it gives me fanciful notions of being able to go to the different ends of the world, and world travel, which I don't think I have it in me to do by car.
But a Road trip is a road trip is a road trip. My life is all fractured right now. I have lost all sense of language and time and distance, and I live in a space of mind somewhere between Bangalore and Calcutta, not exactly in these cities themselves but somewhere in the bad lands of the country in between, and I fear somewhere in the unbearable heat of Andhra Pradesh. At least in my mind. I have forgotten what its like to relax, go on a trip, and not of the chemical kind, and the old fashioned holidays where it was us and Tia's family. That's it. And I am supremely jealous of their Rajasthan trip. I have never felt more alone. There I was in calcutta by myself, in a huge house which is meant to be full of people, living an independent life, by myself, when everyone knows that in calcutta you are supposed to be surrounded by people! Your family is supposed to be there cossetting you! And then I left. I am in Bangalore now. The lonliness continues. And the fucked up part is that you get used to it. And you end up not wanting anything else.
Except for when I look at the pictures, and remember the trips, the details of which even I had forgotten. The longing then becomes sharp and painful completely unbearable.
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